The Past: My next memory is of one of my dad's birthday parties.
We had moved into a house my Step Grandpa Clyde owned. My dad was turning... Well, he was turning thirty-something and we were all getting ready for cake time. My mom brings the cake into the room and just as everyone is about to start singing Happy Birthday I set my keyboard (musical, not computer) on the table and start up the demo Happy Birthday song going. Hilarity ensues as everyone tries to sing along with the song which is about five times too fast and sounds like crap.
The Present: I cleaned!
I slept most of the day until I dragged my ass out of bed around 3:30 PM. After my mother got home from work, I noticed that she wasn't in the best of moods and her leg was killing her as she hurt it a few days back then fell and hurt it even worse last night. I guess it's most likely a torn ligament.
Wanting to cheer her up a bit, I set to cleaning the house. More specifically, I started in on the bathroom first. I scrubbed, scoured, wiped and mopped myself silly for hours. When I was done in there, I changed cat litter and mopped a large portion of the rest of the house.
I am tired!
Oh well, at least the bathroom is spotless and the house smells better.
In other news, I decided to apply for the state trooper job. The work seems like it would be interesting, you can't beat the location (Alaska) and the pay is great. Here's hoping I get it.
Anyway, I'm working on the application right now, as well as getting files ready to stick onto my Max Media Dock so I'm outta' here for the night.
Oh, I've gotta mention one funny thing before I leave. Ever piss into a toilet full of bleach? It's funny, you get to watch the yellow fade as it gets bleached.
'night all.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Job search.
The Past: My next two memories are kind of short so I'm putting them both into one entry.
It's around noon on a weekend and my dad, currently unemployed, is playing Dungeon Master on his Amiga. I'm sitting on his lap watching him play, my legs lifted up in such a way that my feet are in the unused drawer meant for a keyboard, comfy as heck. Unfortunately, at this time in my life, this was the only way I could get my dad to spend time with me.
Now it's around two in the morning. I'm asleep in bed when my dad gets home from his new job driving a taxi. My mom plucks me out of bed, wrapping me up in a blanket and we pile into my dad's cab, going out for sliders at white castle. I used to love it when we did this and the few times I can remember are among some of my happiest memories.
The Present: I've been job hunting online all night. I really need to stop doing this as every time I do, I just end up pissed off, tired and no closer to having a job.
The other day, I read an article about Americans moving to Japan for a year to teach English so I looked it up. Everything seemed great until I noticed one little deal breaker. To apply for the type of work visa you need to teach in Japan, they require that you have a bachelors degree. It doesn't matter what the degree is in, just so long as you have one... Damn it...
Realizing that I couldn't pursue that, I started looking at the job listings on Craig's List and only found two listings that looked remotely interesting. I checked into the first, a video game beta testing job, which turned out to be a scam. The second listing, well, it really wasn't much better than the first. Apparently they need some new State Troopers in Alaska. The job pays well and they'd pay to train me but, well, I just don't have any interest in becoming a police officer so I'm back to square one.
I tell you, the job I'd like to get right now is a simple clerk job at a video game store, like a GameStop. I get really angry about this for a few reasons and I'll explain why. Being a store clerk at a GameStop doesn't pay that well, doesn't have very good hours and is generally a dead end job. The reason I want it? Because video games are my hobby and I enjoy working with them. It's a job I wouldn't dread coming to every day. You'd think it'd be easy to get but no, it's virtually impossible. GameStop employees guard their jobs so well that there are almost never any openings.
About a year ago, I went all over the state applying at EB Games, GameStop and Software Etc. stores (they are all owned by the same parent company, I believe) and even though many of them had open positions, they never tried to fill them. I checked back on those jobs quite a few times over a few months and every time, they said that they hadn't gone through the applications yet. I don't think they ever did!
Last year, I tried applying around at different video game companies in California. I applied for beta testing (QA) positions as that's supposed to be the entry-level position for the industry. This introduced me to a catch 22 that I hate so much it makes me want to strangle someone. I got e-mails back and they all pretty much said the same thing. To be considered for those positions, you need to already have a couple years experience. Here's the catch 22: How the fuck are you supposed to get the experience when you can't get the job without it? Damn it.
Anyway, I'm going to sleep in tomorrow and see if Wal-Mart calls me. I don't really want to work there but damn it, I need the money bad.
My next entry should be much lighter fare, I just needed to rant this morning.
It's around noon on a weekend and my dad, currently unemployed, is playing Dungeon Master on his Amiga. I'm sitting on his lap watching him play, my legs lifted up in such a way that my feet are in the unused drawer meant for a keyboard, comfy as heck. Unfortunately, at this time in my life, this was the only way I could get my dad to spend time with me.
Now it's around two in the morning. I'm asleep in bed when my dad gets home from his new job driving a taxi. My mom plucks me out of bed, wrapping me up in a blanket and we pile into my dad's cab, going out for sliders at white castle. I used to love it when we did this and the few times I can remember are among some of my happiest memories.
The Present: I've been job hunting online all night. I really need to stop doing this as every time I do, I just end up pissed off, tired and no closer to having a job.
The other day, I read an article about Americans moving to Japan for a year to teach English so I looked it up. Everything seemed great until I noticed one little deal breaker. To apply for the type of work visa you need to teach in Japan, they require that you have a bachelors degree. It doesn't matter what the degree is in, just so long as you have one... Damn it...
Realizing that I couldn't pursue that, I started looking at the job listings on Craig's List and only found two listings that looked remotely interesting. I checked into the first, a video game beta testing job, which turned out to be a scam. The second listing, well, it really wasn't much better than the first. Apparently they need some new State Troopers in Alaska. The job pays well and they'd pay to train me but, well, I just don't have any interest in becoming a police officer so I'm back to square one.
I tell you, the job I'd like to get right now is a simple clerk job at a video game store, like a GameStop. I get really angry about this for a few reasons and I'll explain why. Being a store clerk at a GameStop doesn't pay that well, doesn't have very good hours and is generally a dead end job. The reason I want it? Because video games are my hobby and I enjoy working with them. It's a job I wouldn't dread coming to every day. You'd think it'd be easy to get but no, it's virtually impossible. GameStop employees guard their jobs so well that there are almost never any openings.
About a year ago, I went all over the state applying at EB Games, GameStop and Software Etc. stores (they are all owned by the same parent company, I believe) and even though many of them had open positions, they never tried to fill them. I checked back on those jobs quite a few times over a few months and every time, they said that they hadn't gone through the applications yet. I don't think they ever did!
Last year, I tried applying around at different video game companies in California. I applied for beta testing (QA) positions as that's supposed to be the entry-level position for the industry. This introduced me to a catch 22 that I hate so much it makes me want to strangle someone. I got e-mails back and they all pretty much said the same thing. To be considered for those positions, you need to already have a couple years experience. Here's the catch 22: How the fuck are you supposed to get the experience when you can't get the job without it? Damn it.
Anyway, I'm going to sleep in tomorrow and see if Wal-Mart calls me. I don't really want to work there but damn it, I need the money bad.
My next entry should be much lighter fare, I just needed to rant this morning.
Damn it, Wal-Mart!
The Past: My second memory is of my fourth birthday party.
My cousin Bradley and I are playing Aaargh! on my dad's Commodore Amiga 500 and after nearly developing a nervous tick watching him trying to play the game, I loudly exclaim "That's not how you eat the people!" and try to wrench the joystick out of his hands.
Later that day, when I was opening presents, many toys and such were opened with a smile and then immediately forgotten. The look of confusion on the adults faces was priceless when I opened the one present that made my day. "Socks!"
Yeah, I was an odd kid.
The Present: I ended up going with my mother over to her boyfriend's house last night. She hung out with him while I tried to hang out with his fifteen year-old son.
Needless to say, I was bored out of my mind but hey, at least it got me out of the house for a while.
One highlight of the visit was a conversation we had about public flatulence. The boy mentioned that it was really embarrassing to do in school. I said it made the perfect ice breaker...
*walks up to a girl and farts loudly* "So, wanna' go out some time?"
Yeah, you'll get the ladies with that one. *snickers*
Actually, that's is how I originally 'charmed' my first girlfriend, Mandi, who promptly farted right back at me. Damn I miss her sometimes but she's a story for another day.
When we got done over there, we headed into Alpena and dropped by Wal-Mart so I could *groans* apply for a job.
They always ask about employment history and while I understand why they do it, it never fails to piss me off. I spent quite a while trying to forget my last two jobs because I hated them so bad and this thing wants me to try and remember when I worked at those places?
Hell, I don't even remember what year I worked at the second-to-last job, much less the start and end dates.
They also want to know who your boss is so they can verify you aren't lying to them.
Well Wal-Mart, the joke's on you if you try. My last boss is six feet under due to cancer and the second-to-last doesn't even own the business anymore and is doing missionary work in Taiwan.
As much as I hate to say it though... Even though I'm bitching about it, I still hope I get the job. Bumming money from my mom is not cool, not cool at all.
'night all.
My cousin Bradley and I are playing Aaargh! on my dad's Commodore Amiga 500 and after nearly developing a nervous tick watching him trying to play the game, I loudly exclaim "That's not how you eat the people!" and try to wrench the joystick out of his hands.
Later that day, when I was opening presents, many toys and such were opened with a smile and then immediately forgotten. The look of confusion on the adults faces was priceless when I opened the one present that made my day. "Socks!"
Yeah, I was an odd kid.
The Present: I ended up going with my mother over to her boyfriend's house last night. She hung out with him while I tried to hang out with his fifteen year-old son.
Needless to say, I was bored out of my mind but hey, at least it got me out of the house for a while.
One highlight of the visit was a conversation we had about public flatulence. The boy mentioned that it was really embarrassing to do in school. I said it made the perfect ice breaker...
*walks up to a girl and farts loudly* "So, wanna' go out some time?"
Yeah, you'll get the ladies with that one. *snickers*
Actually, that's is how I originally 'charmed' my first girlfriend, Mandi, who promptly farted right back at me. Damn I miss her sometimes but she's a story for another day.
When we got done over there, we headed into Alpena and dropped by Wal-Mart so I could *groans* apply for a job.
They always ask about employment history and while I understand why they do it, it never fails to piss me off. I spent quite a while trying to forget my last two jobs because I hated them so bad and this thing wants me to try and remember when I worked at those places?
Hell, I don't even remember what year I worked at the second-to-last job, much less the start and end dates.
They also want to know who your boss is so they can verify you aren't lying to them.
Well Wal-Mart, the joke's on you if you try. My last boss is six feet under due to cancer and the second-to-last doesn't even own the business anymore and is doing missionary work in Taiwan.
As much as I hate to say it though... Even though I'm bitching about it, I still hope I get the job. Bumming money from my mom is not cool, not cool at all.
'night all.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Aliens ain't got nothing on me!
The past: You know, my birth wasn't peaceful most children's. No, I was a pain in the ass from the very beginning.
My mother still had while to go in her pregnancy (a time in which, according to her, I spent mainly kicking her in the bladder) but got toxemia. Into the hospital she went to get me the hell out of there so we wouldn't die. From what I gather there odds were 50/50 we'd either live or die.
I don't know the fine details of what happened up to this point, but they got her into the operating room and starting cutting away. My dad nearly passed out as he could see the whole thing from the other side of some glass.
What happened next was surely a warning to my parents. The surgeon got down to me and like a scene from the Aliens movies, I burst from my mom's belly and screamed at the man. Astonished, the only thing he could say was "Well, will you look at that?"
The scary part of it all is I can remember that moment. *shudders*
I don't know what exactly happened after that, except that my mother and I both survived, and I have no other memories until my fourth birthday party. That is a story for my next entry.
The Present:
I haven't slept worth anything lately but have had the most vivid dreams. The latest consisted of nothing but me, sitting on my ass, rolling cigarettes out of cherry pipe tobacco. The strangest part is that I've been having a total nic-fit ever since I woke up.
I don't smoke!
Well, at least not often enough to be feeling any nicotine addiction. I might smoke a cigar or pipe bowl of cherry tobacco around once a month, usually not. I'm really confused right now but I tell you, I'm buying some damn pipe tobacco today.
Two things are annoying me today:
1. Jock itch, or as I like to call it, crotch rot.
I had the misfortune of staying in the (lack of) Quality Inn in Livonia, MI. a while back. (Which will eventually get it's own entry in The Past.) While there, I made the mistake of taking a bath and was left with a fungal souvenir.
I wouldn't be quite so pissed except I am an obsessive compulsively clean person and now know that I've got fungus growing in my nethers that probably cultured on some businessman's ass. It's also extremely hard to get rid of.
Thanks Quality Inn people, I love the crotch rot you included with my continental breakfast and I'll be thinking of you every time I scratch my balls.
2. The damn electric heater in our kitchen.
If you've never been in Michigan in October, let me tell you this, stay away. It's not rare for the kids around here to occasionally dress up as snowmobile riders for Halloween so they'll have an excuse to wear their snow suit as it's that damn cold!
Now, this October, thanks to the rather unfortunate timing of my parents divorce and my inability to find a job (thanks Granholm, you fuck), my mother and I can't afford the Kerosene to fuel our regular heater. (Yes, I still live with my mom. I'd move if I could afford to.)
We are now using a tiny electric heater to heat a drafty old six bedroom farm house.
As soon as my mother got home today, the first thing she did was turn down the heater as the noise was supposedly bugging her. She goes to bed shortly after.
I should note that this heater makes about as much noise as a fan.
Now, I'm sitting here, using the computer when the temperature outside hits a magical degree. The temperature in the house shifts just so and...
The heater comes on... Shuts off... Comes on... Shuts off... Comes on... Shuts off... Comes on... Shuts off... This went on for five second intervals for around an hour until I had finally had enough and turned the heat up to stop the damn thing.
I know she's going to bitch me out in the morning for turning the heat up but so help me, I'm going to fill up a squirt gun and hose her every time she reaches for the knob on that thing. If I can put up with an hour of off, on, off, of, she can put up with a few hours of slight mechanical noise.
Oh, by the way, after turning down the heater due to the noise, she complained about being cold...
My mother still had while to go in her pregnancy (a time in which, according to her, I spent mainly kicking her in the bladder) but got toxemia. Into the hospital she went to get me the hell out of there so we wouldn't die. From what I gather there odds were 50/50 we'd either live or die.
I don't know the fine details of what happened up to this point, but they got her into the operating room and starting cutting away. My dad nearly passed out as he could see the whole thing from the other side of some glass.
What happened next was surely a warning to my parents. The surgeon got down to me and like a scene from the Aliens movies, I burst from my mom's belly and screamed at the man. Astonished, the only thing he could say was "Well, will you look at that?"
The scary part of it all is I can remember that moment. *shudders*
I don't know what exactly happened after that, except that my mother and I both survived, and I have no other memories until my fourth birthday party. That is a story for my next entry.
The Present:
I haven't slept worth anything lately but have had the most vivid dreams. The latest consisted of nothing but me, sitting on my ass, rolling cigarettes out of cherry pipe tobacco. The strangest part is that I've been having a total nic-fit ever since I woke up.
I don't smoke!
Well, at least not often enough to be feeling any nicotine addiction. I might smoke a cigar or pipe bowl of cherry tobacco around once a month, usually not. I'm really confused right now but I tell you, I'm buying some damn pipe tobacco today.
Two things are annoying me today:
1. Jock itch, or as I like to call it, crotch rot.
I had the misfortune of staying in the (lack of) Quality Inn in Livonia, MI. a while back. (Which will eventually get it's own entry in The Past.) While there, I made the mistake of taking a bath and was left with a fungal souvenir.
I wouldn't be quite so pissed except I am an obsessive compulsively clean person and now know that I've got fungus growing in my nethers that probably cultured on some businessman's ass. It's also extremely hard to get rid of.
Thanks Quality Inn people, I love the crotch rot you included with my continental breakfast and I'll be thinking of you every time I scratch my balls.
2. The damn electric heater in our kitchen.
If you've never been in Michigan in October, let me tell you this, stay away. It's not rare for the kids around here to occasionally dress up as snowmobile riders for Halloween so they'll have an excuse to wear their snow suit as it's that damn cold!
Now, this October, thanks to the rather unfortunate timing of my parents divorce and my inability to find a job (thanks Granholm, you fuck), my mother and I can't afford the Kerosene to fuel our regular heater. (Yes, I still live with my mom. I'd move if I could afford to.)
We are now using a tiny electric heater to heat a drafty old six bedroom farm house.
As soon as my mother got home today, the first thing she did was turn down the heater as the noise was supposedly bugging her. She goes to bed shortly after.
I should note that this heater makes about as much noise as a fan.
Now, I'm sitting here, using the computer when the temperature outside hits a magical degree. The temperature in the house shifts just so and...
The heater comes on... Shuts off... Comes on... Shuts off... Comes on... Shuts off... Comes on... Shuts off... This went on for five second intervals for around an hour until I had finally had enough and turned the heat up to stop the damn thing.
I know she's going to bitch me out in the morning for turning the heat up but so help me, I'm going to fill up a squirt gun and hose her every time she reaches for the knob on that thing. If I can put up with an hour of off, on, off, of, she can put up with a few hours of slight mechanical noise.
Oh, by the way, after turning down the heater due to the noise, she complained about being cold...
It Begins...
Alright people, I've been reading Uncle Bob's Diary O' Chuckles and it not only cracked me up but also inspired me to get back into blogging as I've been out of it for some time.
I know that while my own life is undoubtedly less interesting than Uncle Bob's, it'd still make for some quality blog. Well, maybe not quality, but it'll certainly be, uh, interesting.
Anyway, what I think I'm going to do is split these entries up into two parts:
The past: A section where I intend to write down the more messed up parts of my childhood and young life. They are undoubtedly what shaped and molded me into the man I am today. (Note: By molded, I'm not referring to the process one uses with clay, more so the one fungus uses with bread.)
I'll probably continue with those until I'm caught up with...
The present: A section where I intend to write down what has happened in my life as it stands today. Rest assured, I will always find something to talk about, be it world-shattering news (as in a giant hamster is terrorizing Detroit) or something as small (as in the recent influx of house flies into my, well, house).
Anyway, I hope you enjoy yourself reading this as much as I will enjoy writing it...
Warning: Read this blog at your own risk! The author in no way guarantees you will laugh, chuckle or crack the slightest smile. The author will not be held liable if you throw your monitor and/or attached computer out the window after reading this blog.
I know that while my own life is undoubtedly less interesting than Uncle Bob's, it'd still make for some quality blog. Well, maybe not quality, but it'll certainly be, uh, interesting.
Anyway, what I think I'm going to do is split these entries up into two parts:
The past: A section where I intend to write down the more messed up parts of my childhood and young life. They are undoubtedly what shaped and molded me into the man I am today. (Note: By molded, I'm not referring to the process one uses with clay, more so the one fungus uses with bread.)
I'll probably continue with those until I'm caught up with...
The present: A section where I intend to write down what has happened in my life as it stands today. Rest assured, I will always find something to talk about, be it world-shattering news (as in a giant hamster is terrorizing Detroit) or something as small (as in the recent influx of house flies into my, well, house).
Anyway, I hope you enjoy yourself reading this as much as I will enjoy writing it...
Warning: Read this blog at your own risk! The author in no way guarantees you will laugh, chuckle or crack the slightest smile. The author will not be held liable if you throw your monitor and/or attached computer out the window after reading this blog.
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